UK-related Parries

December 2008

Short-circuiting Place-based Longing

If there is one tangible benefit to having lived in a variety of places it’s that it furnishes evidence of the futility of longing to be elsewhere.

September 2008

Encounter at Wetherspoone’s

As if those glass double doors belong to a wild saloon wherein one must repulse brigands just for a peaceful drink.

August 2008

A Crawl Across Crawley, Part 1

Irit, the Jam and I walk from Brighton to Gatwick Airport.

March 2008

Clash of the Midgets

My phone! One of the reasons I didn’t want an iPhone is that I’m invested in the T9 text entry method and like it. But while I do like the Nokia N95’s slider, it creates discomfort when entering text because all the weight in the phone is further up.

January 2008

I Do Like Mondays

First procedure: clean out the 2-cup mokka from the previous usage. The sink here is metal and I enjoy lightly bashing the coffee holder against it to knock the damp grains out then putting them in the rubbish before swilling out the remains under the tap. The sound is just the same as baristas make in cafes.

December 2007

Tony Blair and the Four-State Vision

Ariel Sharon’s disengagement policy reflected an understanding that ownership of the Palestinian issue is shared with Egypt and Jordan. Once Tony Blair acquires this view, he can help facilitate an end to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

October 2007

Jam and bread, Jam and bread, Jam and bread!

In retrospect, my dog Maddie had a simpler life; the big adventures of uprooting only came in the last year of her life, whereas her offspring Jam has spent over a third of hers here in Italy, with her fixtures — first Maddie and then me — falling away.

August 2007

A Ride to Gatwick Airport

Gatwick is my airport now, largely unchanged since 1986, so it now looks tawdry. Airports. They’re so charged, so symbolic, and so empty once you’re at one; I dream of them often.

July 2007

Busy, Busy City

There’s a bridge in London’s St. James’s park where you can see Buckingham Palace at one end of the pond and Whitehall at the other, with the London Eye behind. Whitehall looked less a thumping fast haven for bureaucrats than a fairytale town, with the improbable slowly-moving Eye completing the fantasy.

First Time in this House All Day

One reaction (in The Times) to Islamist terrorist doctors: “Nowhere can inequality be so devastatingly stark as in a well-resourced British hospital.” So now we know: it’s understandable that after removing an annoying woman’s varicose veins, why, one sets a car alight and drives it into an airport departure hall.

May 2007

My City to Your City

A bunch of loud white kids came running down from the promenade shouting vilely to each other. I was reminded of El Topo (we saw it yesterday at the fabulous Duke of York cinema) and I was reminded of the scene when the three bandits gradually build up their cackling harassment of the man in black as he rides into their valley.

Shite on Brighton

“Like many provincial towns,” the Private Eye reviewer stabs, “Brighton, as depicted in this hacked-together tribute, defines itself more by what it isn’t than by what it is. It’s not London, for one thing.”

April 2007

Wetherspoones and Raisins

No that’s not right, said I, sipping strong tea just brewed. Klement wanted me to read over an email he wrote. “Thank you for taking your time to interview me,” it began. My Dad also called to tell me of his new socks.

Now the Sailors are Safe, Pursue the Matter

Even though the British government did a great job in getting the kidnapped soldiers back, that is the first step, not the last. Such piracy must cost dearly in order to discourage the Iranians (or anyone else) from doing anything like it again.

I Like it Here

Brighton lacks the buzz of a global city like London but it is vivacious and though it has its uglinesses it has elegant and even lovely parts.

British Press on Pending Hostage Release

“Extraordinary scenes as Iran frees sailors”— The Telegraph. “Iran releases 15 as ‘gift’ to Britain”— The Times. Strangely, it’s the left-wing papers who seem less naive and and demonstrate understanding that it ain’t over ‘till it’s over. “Iran announces release of British sailors”— The Independent; and “Iran to release sailors tomorrow”— The Guardian.

March 2007

Tent of Contempt

Last night we saw a totally-covered woman exiting an apartment building. The man was dressed normally but she was a black shroud, as ominous as the Lost opening titles except not as sexy. Or is the issue just one of degree, that people normalized to this garb find a Western street as naked as I find a German sauna? No. A uniform that hides the face is madness, diabolical.

First Full Day

When you’re on a fast you’ve always got a topic on hand. My breath for instance has become a bizarre concoction of horrendousness signalling detoxification has commenced.

A Passage to Sauna

Am I the only man who enjoys standing up and doing things in the sauna? I do the first few Bikram Yoga poses. Works great in the super heat, but with my towel wrapped around my head to stop my nostrils from burning I think I upset people when bending over.

Starbucks, Ginger Bastards and Podcasts

Among the top stories here in Britain today are the (not) racist comments of Tory frontbencher Patrick Mercer regarding life in the Army. He was summarily fired from his shadow ministerhood, despite his Black fellow soldiers coming to his defence. All this does is show up David Cameron as a lightweight.

A Walk to the Station

It’s 4pm. The next train to Lewes is at 4:10pm. The cheap day return ticket, £3.60, rolls out of the machine thanks to a credit card. Then tea from a kiosk. All is well.

Poaching a Method to Complement Microwaved Spinach

One cannot yet fully take up with Rob Manuel’s findings in his epic ‘How to Poach an Egg’. Tried his clingfilm method but the ex-ovals merely stuck to the plastic instead. All this plus my prediction of the next American president.

February 2007

Fat and Foecal

We defaecate into convenient porcelein pools of water, and with a pull of a chain the mess is gone. Yet if it were not gone so quickly and easily, might we be a bit more circumspect about what we eat?

Reminds Me of Tel Aviv

You get to a stage in life where you are already formed by the past. Thoughts and dilemmas about place are either central questions or a distraction from real issues.

Fly the Blag

Ryanair has brought human wretchedness to the skies. Rather than existing on a privileged plane, with Ryanair you stew in a poisoned atmosphere, feeling you’re only there because you can’t afford to fly a better airline (leading you to ponder the lifelong mistakes that led you to such poverty) while the staff seem only to be there because they can’t get hired by a better airline. Even the website looks ugly on purpose.

December 2003

Bob Monkhouse Dies

Bob Monkhouse wasn’t ever really very funny, and if you tried to find him funny you ended up finding him sickening, but there was something completely captivating as well.

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